Reflection

To be human is to feel pain. I don’t mean that life is inherently depressing or awful, but that pain is an unavoidable part of being human. The reason for this is our separation from God, through sin (all sorts, including weakness) and death, and our need to get back to Him. That process can’t happen without pain.

The purpose of pain, whether physical or spiritual, is to let us know something is wrong. It prompts us to seek a remedy; to fix the problem so the pain stops. Although it’s unpleasant, varying from annoying to excruciating, it makes us act, which leads to relief. The pain isn’t the problem itself; it indicates it, like a flashing light on a car dashboard. It’s a saving mechanism.

The real problem comes when we see pain as the problem, and try to avoid it, rather than seeking the real problem that’s behind it and dealing with it. Perhaps that’s because we fear the pain of doing that more than the pain of not dealing with it. Sometimes, though, we’re just stopped by the pain itself, and it becomes our enemy. We might get stuck in a battle with it, and never get to the thing it was indicating needed fixing in some way.

This doesn’t mean that God does not want us to be happy; but if what we think is happiness is distracting us from what we really need, which is God - His salvation, will, and love - then it’s not happiness, but misery. The more self-sufficient we feel, or the more we depend on earthly/worldly things for a sense of worth or purpose or relief, the further we are from God. This is still the same if we think we’re doing well, both spiritually and temporally, not realising that our hearts are more attuned to the good temporal things we’re experiencing.

There’s much more to this that’s possible to discuss (The Problem of Pain is a good start). What I want to offer for reflection today is this: could your pain be leading you to the things you really need, not away from them? What is the pain you feel indicating? Are you avoiding that, or investigating it, so you can find (real) relief? What might God be telling you or leading you towards? Could it be Himself?

Though there are things I feel like I hate about my circumstances, both influenced by my own actions that I’m not overcoming and aspects that are beyond my control, I also see the blessings God has given me during them. So much that I’ve learnt, been enlightened with, discovered within, received from others, and experienced for good - all while dealing with conditions that feel painful, in various ways. I know that God is aware of me and is blessing me as I seek Him ever more because of these circumstances. There are these two things, side-by-side: the most frustrating situations, and great blessings.

Here are my final questions for this reflection:

What is God showing you in your pain? How is He relieving your burdens, or making you stronger to bear them? What beautiful goodness is He blessing you with as you turn to Him for relief? It doesn’t negate the hardship, but transforms its meaning, and makes it all appear in a different light. I hope you are seeing this, too, and I encourage you to seek it more if it’s a little harder to see right now.

On Instagram

As you can see, the Not Alone Instagram account only has 1 follower🥹(thank you, Mieko!). More followers means more people can potentially be helped by it. Perhaps you have a friend who uses Instagram and could benefit.

Travel: Great destinations + good value

If you like, or would like, to travel overseas, but the cost of the more well-known destinations makes you pause, here’s good news: there are a lot of alternatives that can provide better value. It can be a real adventure to visit places away from the big crowds, and these usually offer a much more interesting and educational experience - especially because you have more time to spend, without competing with so many other people, and to reflect. Experiences can be more genuine, not just created for tourists. Even within the more popular countries, there are hidden gems that offer better value beyond the few always-visited spots.

Here’s a good list from Traveller magazine (from the Sydney Morning Herald) of alternative countries that offer better value than their more well-known counterparts. Some are still expensive, but there’ll probably be at least one or two that fit your interests and budget. Perhaps you’ve been to some, but haven’t seriously considered others on this list. Read on for inspiration! (Even if, right now, it’s a dream that’s a bit far away, it’s great motivation. Travel is perfect for plans).

Buffer-swapping

When we feel upset, overwhelmed, or otherwise stressed, we often choose something that feels calming or that distracts us from the pain: a buffer. Ideally, you want to choose a buffer that helps solve the underlying problem - putting you in a better frame of mind or helping you find answers. More often, our instinct is to go for something immediate, easy, and familiar; something that’s indulgent without being really helpful. That might be food (the less-healthy kind), TV, over-exercising, or un-mindful internet use. Not all of those things are bad, per se, but they’re easy to over-indulge in, or to use merely as an escape.

The idea of buffer-swapping is to replace unhealthy buffers with better ones: a packet of chips or biscuits with a genuinely yummy and nutritious snack - or something completely different, like a walk in nature. What your nervous system is going for isn’t the thing itself that you’re using, but the result: the calming effect or the reward. Use those to find something that leads to the same result, but (a) more wisely, and (b) more lastingly.

Often the unhelpful buffers we choose are passive; switching to something generative or creative is more likely to lead to positive feelings and resources to deal with the real issue. At the very least, you’ll get something done that’s been neglected (like my growing pile of hand-washing).

Some ideas:

sweets —> fruit

soft drink —> homemade switchel, kefir, or water with lime juice, salt, and maple syrup

TV at the wrong time or too much —> a walk, calling a friend, or reading a book (especially one that teaches you something you’re interested in)

What can you swap?

Here are some I want to try:

• doodling

• stretching or doing resistance exercise outside, under the trees

• clean out one thing, like a food-storage box

• find someone to help

• hand-washing or some other small-ish task that needs doing

• read or watch a General Conference talk

• do a mindfulness or breathing exercise

• rest (I often forget to do this, but it’s so helpful, especially with chronic fatigue; a 15 to 20-minute rest can really reset things, making my mind clearer and overcoming the feeling of being overwhelmed)

Challenge

1. Make a list of ‘buffer swaps’ you’d like to try

2. Choose a few from the list, and start using them over the next fortnight/month.

3. Be curious about the effect these choices have on how you feel. Do they help as much as, or more than, what you usually choose? Do they make it easier to deal with the real problem, rather than avoiding it? Does it lighten your load? Do they work, or do you need to choose something different?

4. Keep using the ones that work - deliberately going for them over the usual buffers, until they become what you naturally reach for. Then, add more buffer swaps, one or two at at time.

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