First up, thanks for reading and subscribing to this newsletter. It’s challenging but meaningful to provide support for my friends and others in this life stage who are single. As I’ve said before, I’m learning how to do this better as I go, and appreciate your support and patience during that process.

I want to do more than publish a newsletter; I want to create a supportive community that contributes and interacts, helping each other, wherever we are. I don’t have all the answers, or even many. I seek out the best information and share it with you, and I’m also relying on you, the readers of this baby newsletter, to tell me what you need and share the best information you have, too.

Please, reach out to me via e-mail or comments on the website version (see the ‘read online’ link at the top), with your suggestions, ideas, and content. Share it with others. Talk about it, make your own notes and plans from it, and share (if you like) how that’s going. What do you like in this newsletter? Would you like to contribute a section? Who else do you know who would love or benefit from this newsletter and its (developing, I hope!!) community?

I look forward to hearing from you - now and over time. I look forward to what we can do together to fill gaps, make things easier, and uplift.

Reflection

Romantic love or heroic journey?

The most common element in the stories we read and watch today is the ideal of romantic love. Everything the hero goes through leads them closer to this ideal, as a fitting reward for their perseverance.

This hasn’t always been the case, though. Anciently – for most of history, in fact - heroic action – persevering in hardship and overcoming evil – was the ideal. Stories were about heroes developing wisdom, fixing mistakes and overcoming weaknesses – refinement – through trials, and saving or preserving something – a person, city, nation, or some other worthy thing. The person needed to ‘save the world’ is brought through testing experiences to make them into the hero they need to be to do the saving. They not only saved the thing they were trying to save, but themselves as well - unless they ignored the lessons of their trials and went on in their own way, reaping destruction instead.

Even the ideal of courtly love that became popular during the Middle Ages had as its goal the noble admiration and protection of the object of love. Reciprocation was welcome, but not the real aim. Making oneself worthy to love, through trials – quests filled with obstacles and noble challenges – was most important.

The hero’s story, in these older tales, was often tragic, teaching the audience about facing life, with all its vicissitudes and temptations, and overcoming all things through dedication to righteous principles.

With today’s focus on romantic love, this noble, transformative purpose of stories, meant as guides for life, often gets lost. Instead of a refined character and the ability to love well and save what matters most, the romantic love of another person is the reward of the protagonist’s difficult journey. Even their difficulties are usually trials of love – in the sense of romantic relationships, not the action of loving others.

Now, I love these sorts of stories, too – I’ve been brought up on them. I’m a product of our time. But while I’m deeply affected by the heroism, these stories also lead to discouragement, because this romantic ideal - the ‘reward’ for a difficult life - isn’t a reality for me. I think it’s not a reality for many people. It’s a bit like the myth passed around among missionaries, that the reward for the hard work of serving a mission is marriage with the right person, and the harder you work, the more attractive your spouse will be.

I think this change in focus is interesting, and worrying. It aims us at the wrong goal, and is more likely to lead to discouragement and selfishness than anything else. Is romantic love - or any kind of love - a reward for righteous living or hardship? Is finding that ultimate relationship the purpose of our lives here?

The real answer isn’t hard to find: being noble, loving others - not seeking to be loved - sacrifice, courage, and virtue are the real goals, and are their own reward. We know we’re here to learn through trial; to learn, especially, to give up our own wills and submit to God’s will. To humble ourselves and develop faith, hope, and love with pure motives. To do, in fact, what stories have traditionally taught was the aim of life.

Because no matter the result, how we live - how we think and act - is the measure of our lives. A noble, heroic life is likely to involve more, not less, hardship, and the rewards in this life are the things that will help us to live well in the next.

I think this is really important to understand as we evaluate our lives. The criteria we base our evaluations on make all the difference.

On Instagram

If you use Instagram, Not Alone is there too! Follow for uplifting, reflective, and encouraging thoughts and quotations. If you have friends who use Instagram, invite them to follow too. (From followers, ‘likes’ and comments, I know what’s helping people and works best).

Finances for singles

There’s a lot of advice out there about finances for couples, families, and younger single adults, but not all of it is relevant to our life stage and situation. We adapt these to ourselves, but it would be nice to have a bit more focused advice. Probably the best option, if you can afford it, is a financial adviser – and that’s an option you might need to consider, if you don’t have one, but find yourself needing to make significant decisions.

If a financial adviser isn’t a viable option (and even if it is), I’ve gathered some helpful advice that’s geared towards single adults, while including information that’s relevant to everyone. Each adds something a little different. If I were being really responsible, I’d take notes of the things I need or want to apply, and investigate any larger topics further, like investing or saving.

One of the best tips these bring out is talking about finances, and financial decisions, with others. Specifically, an ‘accountability partner’ (for goals, for example) and/or friends. The last article recommends making it a topic of conversation with a group of friends - not keeping all this to ourselves. I think that’s a great idea.

The article below gives advice for single women, in particular, about everyday finances. (Just in case you don’t already know, a ‘401k’ plan is superannuation). This could be a good website to explore further.

Recipe: switchel!

In the last edition, I suggested making switchel as a swap for soft drinks. Here’s my recipe for it - and it’s great just as a soothing, refreshing drink anytime, especially in warmer weather.

Switchel is basically apple cider vinegar, water, and honey, slightly fermented. You can keep it that way, but I like adding other things to make it more tasty. The purpose of making this isn’t just a refreshing and healthy drink, but using your hands to make something, to see the magic of a simple fermentation without any complicated procedures or products, and to smell the flavours of the ingredients as you prepare it. Ginger and lime are both uplifting fragrances – you can’t cut a lime open and zest it without feeling better (even if you don’t eat the zest, just doing it releases essential oils that are uplifting). When I say, ‘fermentation’, this is a really light kind. Yours might not even get there. Exciting if it does, fine if it doesn’t. Either way, it’s a really nice drink.

Ingredients

• grated ginger - use a decent amount here; maybe 1 ½ teaspoons per serving. If you’re using a jar for several servings, there should be a good chunk of it at the bottom.

• lime zest and juice (optional)

• apple cider vinegar – use the kind that has the ‘mother’ in it; I use organic versions, because apples are a highly-sprayed crop, and it’s pretty easy to find – Coles does one, or there’s a nice Mazetti one (they do regular and a couple of variations, including one with honey)

• honey or maple syrup (honey can be hard to dissolve, but since it’s going to sit for a bit and ferment slightly, that’s not a big problem)

• water

That’s it! Pretty simple – grating the ginger takes the most effort, and you can even leave it out, although I recommend not doing that. It adds a bite and flavour and goodness, and probably helps fermentation.

You can make it up in a bowl or a jar, depending on how much you’re making – enough for one or two drinks, or for several. Make it in a large jar, if you want several drinks out of it (i.e. in summer, when you’re going to want to drink it often, on those hot days), or in a bowl, if it’s just for one or two.

To make enough for one or two small bottles:

Grate the ginger, zest and juice the lime (you can use a lemon, but I’ll always choose limes over lemons), place these in a small bowl, one that’s easy to tip liquid from, add some apple cider vinegar - depending on how much you’re making. This is what makes the switchel! For a jar with about 4 servings, use 2-3 tablespoons (I just look at the amount in the jar, rather than measuring), maybe more. For one serving, maybe a tablespoon. Add honey or maple syrup – maybe a teaspoon or two, add water, and mix. Taste test and adjust amounts as needed (it’s going to get a bit sharper as it ferments, but will also get sweeter, and it should have a bite to it).

Cover the bowl/jar and leave it on the bench for the rest of the day.

Use a funnel to pour the switchel into bottles – I use glass bottles I once bought drinks in – and place in the fridge overnight. If you made it up in a jar (bigger portion), just put that in the fridge.

The switchel will be ready to drink the next day, or for up to a week or so after that. You’ll know it’s ready when you see tiny bubbles – you might have to take off the lid to see them on the surface. In cooler weather, especially, this step might not happen. That’s fine - the drink will still taste really nice. If the taste isn’t quite right, don’t give up – use what you learnt for next time, and adjust a few things. It’s definitely worth it!

Alterations

Once you’ve made it a few times, try experimenting with other ingredients – but it is a simple drink, and shouldn’t be complicated too much. It’s just fun to mix it up sometimes.

Some possibilities:

• Berries. There was an overabundance of mulberries from the tree here last year, so I macerated some with lime juice and sugar and added these to the mix. Probably best to strain this when putting into bottles, or after a couple of days in the jar. These gave an awesome pinky-red colour to my switchel!

• Coconut water. Try using half this and half water

• Sugar cane juice. I had some cans of this from my only trip to Costco ever, last year. I used it in my berry switchel, and it was a really good addition/swap! I made some just this week, and used part sugar cane juice and part water. It gives it a nice flavour and gentle sweetness. No need for honey if you use this.

How are you going with the challenges from previous weeks? How many have you tried? Do you like the challenges?

Thanks for reading; I hope you found inspiration, encouragement, and useful things herein. 😊

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