Welcome to the first edition of Not Alone 🎉

I’m a little bit nervous about this, as my ideas are big, but the reality is harder, so I’ll be grateful for your patience and good feelings as it develops. My plan is to have a combination of encouragement and reflections, advice gathered from reliable sources, recommendations, and a personal challenge or invitation. There might even be a recipe to try sometimes, for that extra motivation. It’ll be a mix of these, rather than all of them always.

I want to make sure that what I share is relevant, so please reply to any of these e-mails with questions and suggestions you might have about what you need. I can’t guarantee that this newsletter can cover them, but we can certainly do some.

On to the first edition🎈…

Reflection

Holes versus the Landscape

Wouldn’t it be nice to always remember this?

Perspective is so important in how we feel about life/ourselves. I keep learning that, and will be writing often about it, as it’s something that’s so influential in our state – our ability to keep hope alive and move forward on our journey. I know I need constant reminders of these things, no matter how well I already know them.

So, holes:

I often get caught up in the ‘holes’ I see in myself or my life – the qualities I don’t have, the hardships in my life, the people and things who aren’t there or aren’t what I wish they were, and everything that’s so hard it feels impossible: all the lack.

When this happens, I stop seeing surrounding features – the landscape – and the holes start to look like everything. The part of my mind that thinks this is a good way to see things believes I’m being honest and looking at things clearly. But really, it’s a narrow perspective that isn’t taking in all the facts at all. It’s very unhelpful, leading to discouraging feelings and a sense of injustice, hopelessness, and helplessness.

What does help is keeping my perspective focused on the whole landscape, as far as I can see it, maintaining my ongoing journey to the destination. The holes are a feature of the journey – not the whole story. When my focus moves back to take in the whole landscape, I can see, and acknowledge, both the holes and other features – the trees, rivers, and oases; the fields and sunlight and the pleasant places.

How often do you find yourself doing this? What helps move your perspective back to taking in the landscape, so the ‘holes’ aren’t taking up your vision?

Changing my perspective usually takes a combination of efforts. Our minds really are malleable things, which is both difficulty and opportunity. I’ll share some of these in the future; for now, I wanted to introduce this as a reminder and encouragement of how much our perspective shapes our experience, and the power we have over it.

On Instagram

Abundant beauty

(If you haven’t followed it yet, Not Alone is on Instagram - look for not_alone_singles)

Habit Trackers

Have you ever used a habit tracker? My friend gave me a bullet journal for beginners this year (they’re diaries with more, drawn up yourself – actually a lot of work, but nice), which guides you through using and making one. Each month has a habit tracker with a different design, to test and see what works best. I’m enjoying using them, as I usually avoid setting really specific, large goals, but I like the smaller, more do-able idea of habit- or routine-forming.

Using these habit trackers means I end up doing things I otherwise might easily dismiss. Last week, I read a Liahona article that the Come Follow Me manual suggested, which I used as my ‘other’ study for that day. I usually wouldn’t follow a suggestion like that, but because it fit with my habit goal, I did – and it turned out to be a very good talk that was perfect for what I needed. (The quotation above comes from that talk).

I thought I’d share with you a couple of ideas for these, so you can test them and see what works for you.

Tip: I’ve found, as you might already know as well, that it works best when a habit isn’t something completely new, nor something I haven’t done for a long time that’s not connected to anything I currently do, like dedicated French study (which I added this month, and I think I’ve done it on two days, so far). Habits that build on something I already do are working best – like 30 minutes of scripture study in the morning, instead of just the amount of time it takes to eat breakfast, and adding 30 minutes of other Gospel study, which is similar to the scripture study. Or being more deliberate about exercise and adding resistance exercises to the days I don’t walk.

It also helps to aim for habits that are, while similar to existing ones, a bit new and exciting – that way, it’s more challenging and fun. You’re not going to be motivated for something that’s kind of easy and boring.

Last of all, don’t overload the month. I’d aim for up to 5 habits, but 3 might be the ideal.

I’ve gathered some examples that use varied approaches to habit-tracking. You can see what fits your style, and use them as inspiration to create your own, adjusting them to your circumstances (don’t be overwhelmed by the need to make it look great, though). You could even use the yearly planner in your diary (best done in a physical diary, not a digital one), with symbols or coloured circles for the different habits each month, entered on the days you do them.

Or maybe you’re really organised and already track your habits. What’s worked for you?

Voilà inspiration -

Lifestyle

Eating out solo in Brisbane

One of the suggestions I got back from asking people what gaps they experience was about eating out. My friend went to a busy café on her own, and when she asked if they had any room left, she was directed to a perfect little spot that had been prepared for one person. Rather than just being a spare table that could fit one, it was ‘tucked by the garden’, with one chair. She didn’t feel strange or lacking because she was there alone, but like they’d deliberately prepared for someone like her, and it was a nice experience.

I thought this was a great idea, but I don’t know of anywhere in particular that does this. Do you? Please share any recommendations, if you have them. (Wouldn’t it be nice to encourage more cafés and restaurants to do this?)

Meanwhile, here are 3 places good for eating out solo in Brisbane. They might not have a dedicated little spot like the one my friend found, but reviews say they work well for one:

• Donna Chang - modern Chinese. Set in a beautiful building on George Street (171, shop 3) in the city.

• Jumbo Thai Restaurant - on Elizabeth Street (214, Level 1), in the city.

• Avid Reader - a small café in a bookshop; somewhere to go while shopping. At 193 Boundary Street, West End.

If you’d like suggestions for another city or region, let me know, and I’ll see what I can find (or maybe you have recommendations to share). It would also be great to add to this list for everyone, so again, send in any suggestions you have.

That’s it for this edition. I hope you found some inspiration, encouragement, and a useful idea or two within.

Don’t forget to check out Not Alone on Instagram as well 👇