- Not Alone
- Posts
- Regret/gratitude
Welcome to the 6th issue of Not Alone - our 10-week streak! 👏
I hope this newsletter is filling some gaps for you. In honour of this 10-week milestone, below are some questions which I’d love to hear your answers to. This will help me keep making this newsletter relevant and truly helpful.
What are you enjoying in this newsletter?
What would you like to see more of?
Is it supportive, encouraging, and useful? Is it filling gaps?
What challenges are you facing, and how can I help, through this newsletter or products?
You can send any answers through by replying to this e-mail - or commenting below, if you’re reading on the website. 🦋
The last question is just for you:
Who would you like to share Not Alone with?
Reflection
Some wise words from Matt Haig about what might have been, regret, and what is:
“It is easy to mourn the lives we aren't living. Easy to wish we'd developed other talents, said yes to different offers. Easy to wish we'd worked harder, loved better, handled our finances more astutely, been more popular, stayed in the band, gone to [Europe], … or done more yoga.
It takes no effort to miss the friends we didn't make and the work we didn't do, … the people we didn't marry and the children we didn't have. It is not difficult to see yourself through the lens of other people, and to wish you were all the different kaleidoscopic versions of you they wanted you to be. It is easy to regret, and keep regretting, ad infinitum, until our time runs out.
But it is not lives we regret not living that are the real problem. It is the regret itself. It's the regret that makes us shrivel and wither and feel like our own and other people's worst enemy.
We can't tell if any of those other versions would have been better or worse. Those lives [might have happened], it is true, but you are happening [now] as well, and that is the happening we have to focus on.”
It’s easy to miss what didn’t happen; easy to feel disappointment and sorrow for things we never had to actually live, however nice we think they might have been; easy to feel envy for others’ lives, strengths, and blessings. In our wise and good moments, we know that, in fact, we all have a unique mix of ingredients with which to be tested. The key is using whatever materials exist - whatever circumstances, events, and interactions do occur - to grow.
Are we becoming wiser? Good. Are we becoming more loving? Excellent. Are we developing a deeper connection to God and our best possible selves? Wonderful. In the end, whatever happens or doesn’t happen, so be it. The happening isn’t the issue, although it distractingly seems like it. What matters is the change in us - what the happenings lead to.
This is why an eternal perspective is so important: it saves us from getting so worried about what is and isn’t happening, here and now, and frees us to look outwards and up, towards where we’re going and who we’re becoming. This is what makes us able to feel gratitude for life itself, over regret or even resentment for what might have been or what was. Definitely a lesson to keep learning! ✊🙂
Resource: More interesting photos - including solo snaps
I came across a few Instagram accounts that make suggestions for taking photos in more unusual, but not too difficult, ways (some are a bit complicated, and some are weird, but there are many anyone could do, like those in the video I’ll share here). Great way to have more fun with your photography efforts and get some unique results. Here’s an example video:
Building strength at home - no equipment needed!
Our muscles decline after about the age of 35 (like a lot of things 😅🤷♀️), which is sad and annoying. All is not lost, though! Strength-training helps reverse that decline; of course, that’s not the only reason to do it. Improving muscle strength aids a whole lot of things, such as weight regulation, mood, disease prevention, managing chronic diseases, balance and posture.
If you don’t already include resistance training in your exercise program, it’s easy to start, with no special equipment or location needed. (I really like that idea - and it makes it much more likely you’ll actually do it, because it overcomes some major hurdles to starting a good new habit).
I’ve gathered recommendations from a few different websites for easy resistance movements you can do at home, mostly just using the weight of your own body/gravity (actually a really good idea, because it’s low-impact). The general advice is to do these maybe a few days a week, with aerobic exercise on the other days.
I’ll share the link for each, with a bit of guidance about what you’ll find. Try one or two, or a combination - each offers something a little different.
⬆️ A good, straightforward article that includes:
benefits
the main exercises - lunges, squats, planks, and pushups
also shares some exercises you can do with dumbbells and a resistance band
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⬆️ This article divides exercises into beginner, intermediate, and advanced home workouts, and adds triceps dips (exercise for the arms using a chair).
⬆️ Includes benefits and suggests a simple program of exercises to do over 4 weeks, and frequency. There are links to workouts for each of these areas.
⬆️ This article clearly sets out the main exercises, with videos for each, and adds info about why it’s helpful from personal trainers – good for knowing what to do with, say, your ‘core’ while doing an exercise, which can improve its effectiveness.
It adds a few exercises: the ‘dead bug’, side plank variation, mountain climber and burpees (i.e. how to do them properly).
Scroll to almost halfway down to skip the benefits and reasons section and get to the exercises.
Challenge
Try one or two of the photo ideas from the Instagram account I shared
Include a strength-training workout at home this week. Choose from the suggested exercises and workout plans, and incorporate it into your regular exercise schedule. (Of course, start gently and pay attention to your body as you go).
If you already do strength training, try adding some new exercises, or doing one you avoid due to perceived difficulty - gently and sensibly
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